You are wasting your life pursuing happiness in the wrong places. I know what I am talking about. I have thrown away 26 precious years trying to gain happiness from everyone else. I was like a dementor. Latching on to people and soaking in all their Joy because I had none of my own. Until there was nothing left of theirs. It wasn’t that I was evil, it was that I was uneducated. Immature. Lacking wisdom from God.
Let me explain a little deeper. I would search out friends, boyfriends, people who (I thought) were superior to me. I would try my hardest to change my color to their color. To fit in. I would lose myself to gain just a piece of their heart in exchange for a false feeling of belonging. I wouldn’t care where I found these people or if they were even a good fit for my true self. All I cared about was gaining their love. The more love, the more I would be happy, or so I thought.
It was a dead-end pursuit. It left me more empty then I had come. Each year I had lost precious pieces of myself to someone who cared nothing about me. The real me….because they had no idea who I even was. If I am being honest I didn’t know either. I had spent so much time trying to suck the happiness out of others I forgot how to find joy from within. I had also lost my identity. I had worn so many masks and so many personalities I no longer knew which one was mine.
When I suspected just a tiny bit of rejection from one of these people I exploded. I self-sabotaged each and every time. I was like a ticking time bomb. Happy and full of smiles but ready to attack the moment they stopped loving me. It was an exhausting battle that led to no true self-growth. What I didn’t realize is they weren’t rejecting me. They had detected a fakeness I had grown to accept as part of who I was. They were rejecting a false me.
Then one day I had hit rock bottom and I began to self evaluate. It was painful but Jesus spoke into my spirit the answer. My happiness should not come from my friends, my husband, or anyone else. It should come from my inner peace. A peace that is a gift from God. If I would focus on that instead of constantly looking for fault in others. I would be happier.
So here I am 26 years old. I don’t care if people don’t like me. Let me rephrase. I am learning not to care if people don’t like me. I am going to stay true to myself! Regardless of how small my circle is. I have such a small time left on this Earth. Tomorrow is not promised. I am on a mission to rewire my brain from its unhealthy habits. I am choosing to let go of my insecurities. I am no longer looking to be happy from others but I am learning to bring happiness to others. I want to be a light, not drain light. I no longer see myself as a dementor. I see myself as a happy work in progress.
So my advice to you is yes you can pursue happiness but it would save you a lot of trouble knowing where to look. Instead of taking multiple dead-end roads throughout your life start from within. If there is no happiness found inside of yourself then you need to pray. Ask God to show you the roots of bitterness, trauma, and pain. He will heal, prune, and delete them from inside of you. Learn to love yourself as God loves you. Right here in this very moment and stop seeking assurance from dead ends. It will only leave you empty and ultimately alone.
I promise if you pursue Joy from within it will be a long journey full of beautiful twists and turns. It will never leave you empty and it will not be a dead end.